Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
