Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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