Im at strip club and am horny
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
