Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
