i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
