Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
