My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm like, not good at living.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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