Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
