whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
