Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
