my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
