i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
