he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
