my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
