Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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