I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
