I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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