I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
