I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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