i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
