I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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