Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
