I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
