the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
