You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
