So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
