Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
