You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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