his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
