Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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