I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
