is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
