We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
