Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
