I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
