My nipple is on Facebook.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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