hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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