I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
