help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
