Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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