He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
