Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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