now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
