He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
