summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
