i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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