paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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