The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
