I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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