girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
