The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
